I made an adoption plan because I knew my son deserved so much more in life than his father and I would have been able to provide for him. He deserved a stable, two-parent home everyday and our circumstances at the time could not have allowed for that to be a possibility. I wanted to be able to be a great mother for him; however, a compromise would have had to be made one way or the other: put my schooling on hold and spend days with our son while his father worked and then myself working at nights to help provide for our family, or remain a full-time student, working when I could, having to depend on our families and friends to look after the baby, all the while missing out on the most important years of his life. It was a terrible catch- 22 for us; there was no “lesser of two evils”. Either choice would not have allowed for his father and me to be the parents we wanted to be for him, the parents our son deserved. So with every detail paid the most excessive amount of attention to, we decided a plan of adoption was in our son’s best interest.

           

Receiving updates and photographs helps take that inevitable little feeling of emptiness away, too. I get to hear about how my son is growing and changing and I realize how much better of a life he has and will continue to have because of the decision his father and I made for him. I look forward to pictures and updates; it is the highlight of my month!

           

When I met the adoptive couple that I chose, it could not have gone better! Within minutes of meeting them, a voice in my heart let me know I was making the best decision for my son. I had brought laminated copies of my first two ultrasounds for them and I had also wanted to be the first to give them baby shower presents, so I presented them with two pairs of baby shoes. I couldn't wait for my son’s father to meet them and once he did, he too was very happy and even more secure about the plan of adoption we had chosen. In my eyes his parents are, and will always be, just as important to me as my son.

           

Since making my adoption plan there are good days and not so good days. I miss my son a great deal and think about him everyday. Yes, sometimes it brings me down, but at all times I keep in mind the amazing life I made possible for him through adoption. I am currently a full-time student majoring in communication with a focus on public relations and a minor in creative journalism. I started back working at my job part-time also. I began to really focus on the things that I used to live for and found strength and happiness in such things as my academics, training for cheerleading, trying new things like taking a lifeguard training course, staying in shape physically, mentally, and emotionally, and drawing nearer to my family and close friends.

           

I hope when my son grows up, he knows that there was NEVER one moment, one step, nor one decision made in his plan of adoption without EVERY possibility (good and bad) thought of. No move, nothing, was ever made without talking about it over and over until I was more than 100% positive it was what was and would always be best for him. I hope he has a solid understanding for the reasons why his father and I created a plan of adoption for him. I hope I will maintain a relationship with my son's parents. I hope my son always knows his biological father and I love him more than anything else in this world, more than words can ever say, but knowing what I know about his adoptive family and having the relationship I have with his adoptive parents, I don’t believe there with EVER be a day he will have to question that fact.

           

I remember meeting my caseworker for the first time; I was still somewhat nervous about everything that had already happened and had additional nervousness about what she was going to tell me about adoption, on top of being nervous about what she would be like and what she might think of me. I could not have been graced with a better person as my caseworker. From day one, to meeting the adoptive parents, to the birth of my son, to present day and all the tough times and rejoices in between, she was ALWAYS there for me, and ALWAYS had not only my baby’s best interests’ at heart, but showed genuine concern, support, and other sentiments for me and still continues to do so to this day. She was patient with me when I spent what seemed like an eternity to decide on a family; she always wanted to be sure that I understood every aspect of what was happening and what was going to happen in the adoption, and whenever I had questions or concerns on a topic she would go above and beyond to provide me with the answers I needed and relieve my anxieties. I am so grateful to have had her by my side though everything and am not quite sure that I would have been as prepared for or confident in my decisions regarding the adoption plan and process.