My name is Erika, and this is my story.

I did not know who the father was, my house burned down while I was locked up in the county jail, and now here I was, in prison, with a baby on the way. I was scared. I wanted to keep her, but I knew I was not in the position to take care of her. I already had one child, and my father had custody of her due to my legal problems. I did not know what to do, but I knew one thing: I loved this child I was carrying, and I wanted what was best for her. I decided to give her up for adoption.

My father found a Christian adoption agency on the internet called Covenant Care Services. I received their information in the mail, where I learned more about the process. One of the social workers set up a special visit for me here at the prison. I felt very nervous and confused. I battled with thoughts of being a failure as a mother, feelings of guilt for giving my daughter to strangers, and fear of the unknown. Yet, when I truthfully searched my heart, I knew that choosing parents who could provide for her, and love her, was the right thing to do. When I met my social worker, she eased all my worries. She took me through each step with compassion, and explained everything to me. I cried but she was very patient with me as I told her my history. I selected the parents, and reviewed pictures and letters, and when she is old enough . . .she can choose to meet me. I had the baby while in prison. At the hospital, I fell in love. She was so beautiful; so sweet. I did not want to let her go. I had second thoughts about my decision, but I did not let my emotions control my thoughts. My family could not take care of her; I did not want her to go to DFCS. I knew my decision was the right one. However, the pain was the same. I cried my eyes out the day I signed the final papers. But as I kissed her one last time, I told her I loved her, and I would never forget her; that I would be here when she grew up if she wanted me to be a part of her life.

That same day, I came back to prison. I was depressed, but I tried not to confuse the postpartum for not making the right choice. With my adoption plan, I had ten days to change my mind. I struggled, but each day passed, the pain subsided, and I felt more and more proud of myself. My social worker was true to her word, and continued to write me and send photos. After those ten days passed, the parents got a phone call. They were so shocked and excited. The mother cried. After eight years of trying to have a baby, their prayers were answered. I cannot express the joy it brought to my heart to give them the miracle they asked for from God for so long.

It has been five weeks since I had my baby. I am still in prison. The depression is gone and I am looking forward to my future goals. One is meeting the parents after I am released. I still receive letters so I am never out of touch. It brings a smile to my face when I think about the family I helped create.

I tell you this because you might be like me: alone, pregnant, and confused. Choosing adoption is not a cop out. It does not mean you do not love your child, or that you are incompetent as a mom. It is a choice that says “I love my baby and I want the best for her/him life can offer.”

By realizing we as women, as mothers, might not be able to do that, and choose to give a child to a family who can is the most selfless act I can think of. It is the greatest act of love.

If you are considering adoption, trust your heart, and lean on God. You will do what is right!

— Erika