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Mother’s Day can be a hard day for many women.  Many people find themselves with deep longing on this day.  Maybe a longing for a mother who they have lost, a longing to become a mother, or in the case of many birth mothers –  a longing for the child who they placed in another mother’s arms.

This can be intimidating for those of us who have not placed a child for adoption to think about.  It is unfamiliar, and may make us uncomfortable as we navigate how to enter into it.  Some may wonder,

“Does this birth mother’s longing make her decision wrong?”

No, in fact, her longing is evidence of the deep love that she has for her child and of the tremendous sacrifice that she made in order to choose a different life for him or her, despite her own deep feelings of grief and loss.  Her longing should remind us just how selfless and strong her decision was.  This longing may leave us wondering –

“How do I support a birth mother on such a sensitive day?”  

“How do I recognize her as the strong mother that I see she is, and yet honor her grief and loss?”  

Support means that we don’t stay silent out of a fear of saying the wrong thing.  It means that we reach out to her despite our inability to fully understand her grief.  It means we celebrate the strength of the sacrifice she made while weeping with her over the loss that she feels.  It means we ask questions – How are you doing?  Tell me about your child.  Do you think about him or her often?  What is that like?  Support means we don’t leave her in the dark even though we’re afraid.

So, this year on Mother’s or Birth Mother’s Day – reach out to the women in your lives who have placed a baby for adoption.  Remind them you remember them.  Find a special way to recognize them. Remind them that you were a part of witnessing their strength and selflessness – and tell them what an honor that truly is.   


Amy Bennett 

Covenant Care Services